Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
