My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
