i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
