wat bout pragnant strippers??
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize