I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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