My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
