I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
