Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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