dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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