U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
