so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
