Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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