i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
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