Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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