My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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