I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
