SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
