it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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