So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
