You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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