She said her name was "party"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
