your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
