Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
