I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
