you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
