i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
