Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
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