i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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