Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
