Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
