Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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