Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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