It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
