maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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