If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
