you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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