WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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