Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
