What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
