just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
