It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
