She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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