you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
