About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
