It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
