Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
