I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You pole danced in your parka.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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