I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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