I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
