ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
