The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
