Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
