I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
