you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
