you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm at about main and main street
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
