Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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