I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
