Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
