i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
