Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
