I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
