shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
