Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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