You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I don't deserve a penis
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize