The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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