If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
