I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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