Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
