I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
