Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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