Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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