I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
