I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
