you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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