I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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