My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
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