So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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