Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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