dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
