The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
