He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
