he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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