final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize