ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Did I show you my penis last night?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
