but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
