she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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