Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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