im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
