She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
